my saturday night/ sunday morning for those who haven't heard

it had been a long week, a really long week... i just wanted it to be over already and it was just dragging on. against my wishes of wanting to just relax at home before work, i went with my family to pymatuning deer park for the day and wore myself out falling in love with all the animals there... i loved it, but i knew it would be a LONG night at work. i got in to work and it went about as expected, i did get to work with one of my favorite people that i hadn't got to in a while so that was nice, but didnt change how long the night still was

when i was finally leaving i made my way home on the freeway and looked away for half a second to look back up to see the guardrail coming at me from around the bend, i just barely hit the rumblestrip and started to turn back into my lane... i must have overcorrected, but i think there must have also been another factor involved- some loose gravel, oil, or maybe just moisture on the recently paved road, and suddenly my car spun out of control... i did a full 180 and as i did i saw the cement median coming at me (if you didnt know i had just totalled my 1st car in december when someone pulled out in front of me... it really messed up the car, but i was fine) seeing that median i figured this would for sure be one of my last breaths cuz this was REAL bad... the front of my car was crushed against the median and i spun a bit more enough for the right rear corner to also smash into the median... the airbags went off, and antifreeze spilled onto the radiator, so there was some smoke and a terrible smell (much like my other accident)... i turned the car off and had to kick at the door to get it open to get out.. a couple other drivers had pulled over and came running to me to see if i was okay... i told them i was fine and they told me to grab my purse and phone and get off the road... I WAS NOT TEXTING, and could not seem to find my phone so i borrowed one of their phones to call mine, and it had apparently flown across my car hit the passenger door and slid down next to the seat... the three of us ran to safety across the road and the man who let me use his phone let me sit in his car with his wife as we waited for the emergency vehicles that he had already called to get there... an ambulance showed up which i declined because i was miraculously not injured! the cop that showed up did not even ask to see my liscence, or for my full name, he just talked to me and said "hope you have a better night hun" the best part of it all was a good friend of mine saving me from a horrid tow bill... IOU!!!

God obviously isn't done with me yet cuz i honestly believe i should have died in this one... i came out of it with no more than a bruise from the seatbelt and a sore neck... THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone involved in anyway... i am really blessed :)

bubbling

it pulses and twists
writhes and resists
i long to answer its questions
but they are too much
too soon
and i am not enough
not right now

the highs and the lows
from the battles and blows
have me wearing myself to the bone
everywhere i go it watches
and waits
it twitches and
hates

i step back to look
i bite on its hook
and suddenly i'm pulled for a spin
it laughs
and it smiles
and after
a while

i tell myself not to give in

you ask why i scream

You ask why I scream

I ask why you scream.
Why do you scream at sports? You even scream when they are on the TV. They can’t hear you, yet still you scream.
Why do you scream at amusement parks? It does nothing, but possibly hurt your throat. The rides will continue on the same whether you scream or not.
Why do you scream when you see a bug? It’s smaller than the palm of your hand or the sole of your shoe, yet you scream.
Why do you scream when you are angry?

The answer is this… You scream because you are excited, passionate. You scream because you are a part of something more. You scream because something is not as you would like or expect it to be. You scream because you want and need to be heard.

My answer is the same.

I scream because I am excited and passionate. I have the greatest gift in the world- someone who loved me so much before I was ever even conceived that He died to save me. I am passionate in spreading the news that He did this not only for me, but for absolutely anyone willing to trust in Him. I am part of something more than me. Something is not as I would like to expect it to be- not everyone is accepting the gift of life through Jesus that is better than anything imaginable. I want and need to be heard, so I scream.

funny fiction

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information I'm doing it as a public service.

Fill In The Blank

Such a tiny phrase So vastly overused Some say it to dear friends Some just say it when amused To some it means so very much they won't let it escape their mouth But others merely think they'll find it if they head south I had it all planned out I would say it that special day And now i find myself Still holding it in at the end of May I partly fear rejection But its more out of respect If I were to somehow push you Kicking myself would be the effect I dont know if you know it Or if i even want you to But if i could get it across right I'd just want you to know, it's true

stream of consciousness

how can a person be perfect
when they are blatantly obviously flawed?
i find things i dislike
i force dislike into hate
i blow hate out of proportion
and yet still i can see nothing but perfection
not perfection in an unhealthy way
but in terms of humanly perfection-
things are wrong, but much less than with most
not even towards most
but something special
seemingly just for me from God
something to get me through
something to make me realize that though i am exceedingly unique,
i am not alone
others are out there
what is it that God has placed in my hands?
what does He want me to do with it?
anything?
nothing?
everything?
something?
i want to do everything
but that wouldnt be me
God made me this way for a reason
...right?
is this a time for change?
are my thoughts really who i am rather than my actions?
my thoughts and my actions dont sing in unison
sometimes harmony
many times dissonance
what am i to do?
sit and wait?
is this a time for patience?
or a time for action?
how am i to know?
i guess i'll just listen, Lord
i'll listen for your direction

de donde eres tu... y porque

the lines i draw in the sand for myself
you refuse to cross

the slightest inkling in my mind that even i barely realize
you sense and question

you foil my plans
but yours are better

you speak nonsense
but it makes sense to me

i begin to fear you're just like the rest
and randomly your difference is proven

you entered my world
but i cant remember where or when or how

you fit every description
but i couldnt have picked you out of a lineup
no one can sneak up on me
where did you come from
and better yet, why?

you know me
i dont know how
i dont believe anyone has ever known me before
but somehow you do
i am perplexed... and entirely fascinated

a blur of events

why is it this way?
in the middle of the day
i had to think to myself
did it really happen that way?
did it really happen at all?
maybe he isnt even real
can i dream that big???
that i would think it was real
all the things i dreamed, you are
i didn't know what my dreams were
but they are you
in every little piece of you that unfolds
i realize that it is one of my long forgotten dreams
the ones i immediately lost trace of upon waking
the ones i longed to remember
because all that was left was faint ecstasy
but i couldnt tell where it came from
all i knew was that nothing human could ever be mroe wonderful

to...

this is to you
yes
you
the very person reading these words
at this very moment
you mean more than you could imagine
keep reading
...

you look around
people are enjoying your company
but everything feels fictional
you cant believe any of this could be real
you think of a world subtracting yourself
it seems great
too great
its scary
you dont want to think this way
but you cant help it
people bring words of encouragement
but these only bring more hurt
cuz they feel like lies
piercing deep

its times like these that we must remember that we only see things from our one sole perspective, there are so many others... believe it or not, you have probably incidentally saved people's lives... by your mere existance, you have altered the universe... and it would only take one move to alter it for the worse... no one really wants to see you go, no matter what they say or feel... just because everyone isnt thinking about you or clinging to your every longing doesnt mean that you arent important... do you tell every person how deeply you care and feel about them??? NO! makes you feel a little silly about it all, huh?!

in some way or another,
i (and a lot of other people) love you
dont push that thought away
dont try to shove it away just cuz it doesnt bring you the pity you're hoping for
you are loved
and you can just bask in that