stream of consciousness

how can a person be perfect
when they are blatantly obviously flawed?
i find things i dislike
i force dislike into hate
i blow hate out of proportion
and yet still i can see nothing but perfection
not perfection in an unhealthy way
but in terms of humanly perfection-
things are wrong, but much less than with most
not even towards most
but something special
seemingly just for me from God
something to get me through
something to make me realize that though i am exceedingly unique,
i am not alone
others are out there
what is it that God has placed in my hands?
what does He want me to do with it?
anything?
nothing?
everything?
something?
i want to do everything
but that wouldnt be me
God made me this way for a reason
...right?
is this a time for change?
are my thoughts really who i am rather than my actions?
my thoughts and my actions dont sing in unison
sometimes harmony
many times dissonance
what am i to do?
sit and wait?
is this a time for patience?
or a time for action?
how am i to know?
i guess i'll just listen, Lord
i'll listen for your direction